The Power of Self-Love and Self-Worth: Knowing That Love Starts With You
As I prepare for a workshop this weekend for teenage girls, I found myself unsure of what I truly wanted to teach. There are so many topics that can uplift and empower young women, but it wasn’t until I looked around at the people in my life that I found the answer.
February, often referred to as the "Love Month," has a way of magnifying emotions—both the joyful and the painful. Over the past few weeks, I have encountered friends, peers, and even strangers who have been overwhelmed with sadness, frustration, and even resentment. The common thread? A deep longing for love that feels unmet. Some placed their happiness in the hands of another person, while others felt incomplete because they didn’t have someone to share the romanticized idea of Valentine’s Day with.
And yet, here I am, in a season where I have learned to love being alone. Not in isolation, not in loneliness, but in true contentment—because I have come to know the love of God and the love I must have for myself.
This is why I knew my workshop had to focus on self-love and self-worth. Because while love is a beautiful thing, and the desire to be connected to others is natural, it becomes unhealthy when we don’t first understand the love that already exists within us. It becomes dangerous when we tie our identity, our happiness, and our worth to the presence or absence of another person.
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that love is something we must earn or chase. That we need someone else to validate us, complete us, or give our lives meaning. But the truth is, love—real, pure, and unwavering love—begins with God and flows through us.
What is Self-Love, Really?
Self-love is not arrogance. It is not selfishness. It is not dismissing others or pretending we don’t have the desire for companionship. It is understanding that we are already whole. That we were created with value. That our worth is not dependent on another person’s ability to recognize it.
Self-love is choosing yourself the way you hope someone else will choose you. It is speaking life over yourself when no one else does. It is setting boundaries that protect your peace. It is refusing to accept less than you deserve.
God’s Love as the Foundation
God’s love is unconditional. It is not based on what we do, who we are with, or whether or not we feel lovable in the moment. It is constant. It is unwavering. And when we truly grasp that love, we stop looking for it in broken places.
The Bible reminds us in 1 John 4:19 that “We love because He first loved us.” This means that before we ever sought love from another, we were already loved. Before we questioned our worth, we were already worthy.
The Shift: From Seeking to Becoming
Instead of seeking love as if it is something to be found outside of ourselves, we must first become love. We must embody it, live it, and share it—first with ourselves, then with others.
This weekend, I want to remind every girl in that room that her value does not decrease because someone failed to see it. That love is not something she must beg for, prove herself worthy of, or mold herself to fit. That she is already deeply loved by God, and that love is the foundation for every relationship she will ever have—including the one with herself.
As we close out this month of love, let’s shift the focus. Let’s stop measuring our worth by whether or not someone chooses us and instead, choose ourselves. Let’s stop searching for what has already been freely given. Let’s stand in the power of self-love and self-worth, knowing that love—true, fulfilling, everlasting love—begins with us.
And that is more than enough.
